


the journey goes on

by Rethira



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 08:55:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5410709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rethira/pseuds/Rethira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things take a while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the journey goes on

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zen_monk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zen_monk/gifts).



(when leia wakes up, she clutches her stomach instinctively and flinches a little. it takes her a moment to recognise _jude_ looking down at her, pensively

“alvin?” she asks, after a moment or two

jude shakes his head. “he... left”

“i see” leia murmurs)

 

Presa and Agria pick him up. The sorry story kind of spills out of him – Agria laughs, bitterly, when he says he shot Leia. Presa just huffs, unsurprised, and... lets him follow them to Nia Khera.

Gaius and Wingul have gone on ahead, apparently.

It’s... different. There’s an aching empty hole in Alvin’s chest – “Milla didn’t die so we could do _this_ ,” Jude had said, like it made any difference – and he keeps expecting to hear Elize and Teepo berating him, or Leia trip over a log, or turn around and find Jude smiling at him, _always_ smiling at him, did the kid never do anything else?

(or milla, _milla_ looking at him with her bright blazing eyes and saying “i trust you” _you_ alvin i trust _you_ like alvin isn’t the worst—)

Here and now, Alvin’s an afterthought. Oh, Presa and Agria are happy enough to let him follow them, happy enough to let him get between them and any monsters but- they don’t trust him. They work better without him. They’re a team, while Alvin’s just... just _there_.

And just like always, this is a hell of Alvin’s own making.

He hadn’t hit Jude. Turned the gun at the last second, even though he had pulled the trigger. The retort had rung out deafeningly loudly in the orchard and for a second, for just a second he’d thought he could see Jude lying there too.

Instead, the bullet grazed Jude’s cheek. That was bad enough. That bright stark bloom of blood under Jude’s wide, startled golden eyes-

(alvin’s seen the life go out of eyes like jude’s before. he can imagine how it would’ve looked with jude, can picture every minute detail of it, and the worst thing is, he’s sure jude would still try and forgive him)

And Leia- fuck he hadn’t even stopped to check on Leia. But Jude. Jude wouldn’t let her die. Jude was still there, still alive and- still alive. He’d make sure she was safe too.

Well. As safe as they could be from Muzét.

Maybe if Alvin’s really lucky, Muzét’ll finish Alvin off before anyone else has to.

(alvin won’t be so lucky)

 

Jude runs over to Leia when Agria falls – well, _chooses_ to fall. Part of Leia still says _I dropped her_ , but she’s not stupid. There wasn’t anything she could’ve done to stop Agria after she’d made up her mind.

“I’ll be fine,” Leia says, and she knows she will, “you should go and try to cheer up Alvin. You’re the only one who can.”

(because leia- she shook when he got too close, flinched when he was behind her. he’d sided with them in the end again, chosen them at last _finally_ but leia’s body says _danger_ when she looks at him and it makes her sick-

i forgive him, she thinks to herself, i forgive him

she still can’t bring herself to look at him)

 

The wounds between them are still raw, tender. Jude’s cheek is healed, but he can still remember the feel of it, and the terrible pit of horror in his stomach thinking _he almost killed me_. That had been worse than the fight before. So much worse.

“Alvin, where will you go now?” Jude asks.

Alvin doesn’t look at him. Just stands, head bowed, and replies, “I don’t know. What’s it to you?”  
(still trying to push everyone away. alvin never stops trying to push everyone away)

“Come with us,” Jude offers, and it feels _right_ despite all that happened at Hamil.

“Now the kids wanna babysit me,” Alvin huffs. He still won’t look at Jude.

Honestly, Jude can’t blame him.

“Don’t think that this is easy for me. I can’t forget what you did to Leia,” Jude says, and Alvin flinches when Jude says it.

He immediately says, “I’ll tell her I’m sorry,” and that’s a start at least.

(knowing leia, she’s probably forgiven him already, but... getting into the habit of asking for forgiveness will probably be good for alvin)

“You do that,” Jude murmurs, and turns to leave.

If Alvin follows or not, that’s his choice.

 

(milla comes back in a burst of light, real and true and _there_ and jude thinks _everything will be fine now_ )

 

Elympios isn’t the world Alvin remembers – it isn’t home anymore. Maybe it never was. Kind of makes the whole thing pointless. A childhood wasted, a _life_ wasted, and for what?

Touch of luck that Balan recognised him in the first place – _Alvin_ barely recognised him, and Balan’s only a few years older than he is.

(“oh i knew you were alive” balan’d said, while the others were still out “gilland passed along a full list of survivors when he sent over the booster data”

“oh” alvin replied “did he uh....”

balan had looked kind of sad then. “he sent over all the data he had alvin” he’d paused “and he told me about... your mother”

“ah. yeah. well you know she’d been sick for... a long time. never really got over dad....” alvin had trailed off

for the better really. some things you just didn’t talk about)

But anyway. For all that Rieze Maxia wasn’t home either, it was... better than this. He was used to it. And yeah, sure, he’d been hiding who he was every day of his life, but they didn’t even had a _concept_ of not having a mana lobe. Look at Jude’s dad – worked as a doctor in a small town where even the _smallest_ injuries could and would be healed with spirit artes, and no-one had ever wondered why the good doc never used them.

No-one had ever questioned why _Alvin_ never used them. It just didn’t occur to people in Rieze Maxia. It hadn’t occurred to Milla, or Jude or anyone. No-one Alvin knew, no-one he’d _ever_ met had ever wondered why he didn’t use spirit artes.

Because they assumed he did, of course.

Pretty lucky really. Someone from Rieze Maxia getting stuck in Elympios would’ve been found out immediately. But the other way around? No-one noticed.

Still.

Neither place is home now. Elympios, because Alvin’s been gone too long. And Rieze Maxia because... because he just doesn’t belong there.

Alvin’s eyes flick over to Jude and Leia.

Yeah. He really doesn’t belong there.

 

Elympios feels dead. Leia whispers this to Elize, and Elize shudders and nods. They can still use spirit artes, but there’s this pervasive feeling....

And this is where Alvin came from.

That sounds _wrong_.

Alvin’s not exactly one of Leia’s favourite people right now ( _i forgive him_ she keeps thinking but that doesn’t make it true) but it doesn’t seem right that his native land is so... dead.

“We have to fix it,” Leia says, mostly to herself, but seeing as everyone else is pretty agreed on that front it hardly matters. The world shouldn’t _be_ like this. It doesn’t take a genius to see that.

 

There’s no time for discussions, really – they fight Volt and Alvin lends his strength along with everyone else. And then it’s back into the Dimensional Breach, and Wingul makes his last stand ( _unnecessary_ jude wants to shout _we could all live together_ ) and before he knows it, Jude’s standing before Gaius.

It takes a while for everyone else to arrive; Jude doesn’t have time to think during the fight, too busy dodging Gaius’ sword strikes and Muzét’s artes, but when he _does_ see Alvin, Jude thinks he’s almost... surprised.

It’s not very fair, he’ll realise later – Alvin had finally made his choice. He wasn’t going to change his mind again.

And then there’s Milla, smiling, and saying _goodbye_.

 

(“we’ll be fine” jude tells her and he knows they will

it’ll just take a while to get there)

 

Alvin tries to leave again three days after Milla sends them all back. It’s fair, he argues, because Rowen and Gaius have already left to meet with Elympios’ ministers and Elize needs to be escorted back to Sharilton doesn’t she?

(“driselle’s coming to meet me here” elize says “because _she_ needs to meet gaius too, remember? and this is on the way”

teepo shakes his head “alvin really didn’t try very hard with that one did he? for such a good liar you’d think he’d be better at this stuff”)

“Nu-uh,” Leia protests, “we are gonna have a Talk.”

The look on Alvin’s face would almost be funny if he didn’t look so genuinely terrified. Leia grabs Alvin’s elbow, and his expression goes even more alarmed – probably realising just how strong Leia _really_ is.

“That means you too, Jude!” Leia continues, grabbing Jude’s hand as she passes.

“Huh? But Leia, I’m-”

“Nope!”

And that’s how Jude finds himself hustled into a bedroom with Alvin and Leia, the door locked and bolted behind them. Leia shoves Jude towards one bed and Alvin towards another and then grabs a chair, spins it around and sits down on it.

Silence reigns for a few seconds. Alvin picks himself up from the bed, and straightens his scarf. He looks, not at all subtly, towards the door.

Jude sighs. “What did you want to talk about, Leia?”

“Oh, right! First of all, Alvin!” Leia jumps to her feet and points at him. “I forgive you!”

Alvin jerks so suddenly it’s something of a wonder he doesn’t actually fall off the bed completely. “Um. That’s. Thanks? You don’t, I mean I. I _shot_ you, I tried to _kill_ you, you really don’t need to-”

“But I do!” Leia pretty much shouts it. “It’s my choice and look,” and before Jude can do anything to stop her she yanks her shirt up to reveal her stomach, “I don’t even have a scar or anything!”

“Leia!” Jude protests, leaping off the bed to try and make her put her clothes back on.

“It’s not like he can see anything,” Leia says, shoving Jude away, “and this is important. It _is_ important and you know it. Listen up, Alvin, because I’m going to say it however many times it takes for you to believe me. I forgive you, already, so just... stop blaming yourself!”

“But I _hurt_ you,” Alvin snaps, suddenly. “And it wasn’t for any- I _knew_ okay? I figured. I’m not an idiot. Muzét... she would’ve killed me anyway. And I still hurt you.”

Leia deflates a little, murmurs, “I didn’t mean-”

“But you won’t anymore, will you?” Jude says, quietly.

And just as quietly, Alvin says, “No. Not anymore.”

 

(it’s not perfect. some scars take a while to heal, after all

but they’ll get there in the end)


End file.
